I was reading Positive Aging Newsletter, and came across this. I thought it so thoughtful and worth reproducing because it challenges the status quo.
Roxanne Friedenfels, PhD, teaching at Drew University, writes:
Hi to everyone at Taos Institute, I thought some of you might enjoy the article (below) that I recently published in Rain and Thunder magazine. With best wishes,
Ageism: Ten Ways to Fight It
We live in an ageist culture. Women (much more than men) regularly face ageist expectations and comments….But how do we even start to fight against ageism? Here are ten ways to begin.
Never greet another woman by saying, “You haven’t changed a bit!” That suggests that women’s appearance shouldn’t change, at least not once they reach age 30 or so. The comment is never true anyway; we all change physically as we age. This ageist comment puts pressure on women to spend a significant amount of time and money on “looking younger,” and makes it harder for us to accept our aging faces and bodies.
Similarly, don’t greet other women with comments about their weight. Don’t say, for example, “You look great! So slim!” These supposedly “positive” comments are ageist, since women generally gain weight with age. We are NOT our weight. Some pre-adolescents may be naturally skinny, but for many adult women, being skinny is the result of cigarette smoking, dieting (the results are generally temporary), or illness, including bulimia and anorexia.
Following from the above, it can be anti-ageist to compliment women on their changing appearance. You might say, for example, “You have such wonderful gray hair” or “Fifty (sixty, seventy, or more) becomes you! You look terrific!” (Not everyone will be able to accept this type of compliment, however, so be judicious with this kind of praise.)
Boycott products that are advertised in an ageist way and don’t buy products from companies that discriminate against older people. On the occasions when older models are portrayed in ads in a way that is positive rather than demeaning, send a thank you note to the company.
Build close, positive relationships. Work, paid or not, becomes less important to most of us as we age, and relationships with family and friends become more important. Cultivating relationships is a way of preparing for being old.
Expanding on point #5, be open to friendships with women of all ages, including women who are older or younger than you. Don’t let age be a barrier to friendship.
Read and watch age positive literature, TV shows, and films. Ignore and/or protest age negative media. If something that’s supposed to be “entertaining” makes you feel bad about aging, and/or is demeaning to middle aged or old women, don’t expose yourself to it. Then take the next step, and contact the publisher or producer to tell them that you are boycotting the material. Explain why you think the material is ageist.
Don’t avoid giving your age. Your age is not something to be ashamed of! (Although there may be an occasional good reason for not sharing your age. For example, getting some jobs may depend on the employer not knowing your exact age.) But, as much as possible, embrace your age and be proud of your knowledge and wisdom. We would not be who we are if we hadn’t lived for as long as we have!
Calm your fears of aging by becoming informed about happiness and aging. Most people do not become less happy as they age; they become happier and more satisfied with life. For more information on this topic, see http://www.ted.com/talks/laura_carstensen_older_people_are_happier.html.
Don’t agonize about age, organize! …You are never too young or too old to work against ageism. As Maggie Kuhn, co-founder of the social justice (and anti-ageist) group, the Gray Panthers, said: “We may not be able to butter our bread, but we can change the World.”